Too Much Info

Wanna know why I don’t use FedEx unless someone puts a gun to my head?

Because they’re loaded down with buckets full of FAIL!!1

So I got this new phone. It’s called an HTC EVO. Some of you may have heard of it.

If you haven’t, then let me describe it for you in the simplest of  terms: it’s the Bomb, yo! It does everything a smartphone, cellphone, and mini-tablet should – all in a sleek, sexy design.

And even more importantly, my new EVO will let me resume my blogging career because the screen is so ginormous and the virtual keypad so easy to type on.

The damm phone even makes even Apple iPhone-lovers cringe in fear.

So here’s to kickAss mobile technology! Balance will soon be restored to the blogosphere.

Wanna know why I love Sprint so much as a phone carrier? Because of bold moves like this.

If you’re too lazy to click the link, then you’re a certified clown, but I’ll give you the skinny anyway: Sprint is requiring all their future smartphones (including the upcoming Blackberry Tour to the left) to have built-in WiFi. That’s right built-in WiFi.

That means you can side-step using your phone’s relatively slow 3G data connection and surf for pr0n or that latest Facebook posting over the high-speed wireless network at your house, the nearest bigbox book store, or that overpriced neighborhood coffee shop you spend way too much money on coffee at.

Meanwhile, SuckT&T (the network with the least bars in the most places) and Verizon (the Evil Red Empire) actually cripple the hell out of their phones, to save network bandwidth and increase company profits at the cost of card-carrying suckers like you.

To make you feel even more worthless, know this: Sprint already has the cheapest data plans and most reliable 3G data network in the country. So it’s a win-win for us. And NO SOUP for you.

So the choice is clear. Jump on board the Sprint bandwagon now or continue to poo-poo Sprint’s so-called shortcomings, all the while being nickle-and-dimed to death by your existing carrier.

Sucker.